Narcissism: Be careful. The truth does hurt,
and I make no apologies for the truth.
The very first thing to understand, is why I looked for the intro pic above This shows what is known as "the mask". You can easily get fooled by the mask, but you must learn that the mask can, and will, come off with a Narcissist, so beware!
Most of this is based on my Personal experiences with past family members.
I make no apologies here because I believe people deserve to know the truth about these creatures, please don't suffer the way I had to.
But being me, I focussed hard afterwards, on learning, which frankly, provided me with peace, and of course more knowledge.
The easiest way I can put this:
imagine a dog kept in a cage, everyday the owner arrives with a stick and hits the dog.
One one day, the dog will bark in objection, or even pain.
Now imagine that you are the dog, you will get hit with the stick once you have been hooked In by the Narcissist, for objecting, because 'your noise" may bring attention!
Initially this will of course be a shock after you have unwhittigly fallen for the Narcissist's false stories, their love bombing; thier twisted mind, so you may feel safe initially. However, back to the Dog analogy: you will become treated like the caged Dog, you will be seen as the problem if you bark (complain), you will regret thinking that you have any choice in your life, and you will be treated harshly if you ever go against the Narcissist's demands.
Only
A Narcissistic person will portray themselves as 'the life and soul of the party' outdoors, yet try to eviscerate their 'captors' indoors.
So, learn to see through the mask, and get away as soon as you can, to protect yourself from being hit with the stick again. In fact I was homeless by the age of 16, just because I had nothing left that made me want to be at home for.
I have heard many people refer to Narcissim as a mental illness, However, Narcissists are naturally incredibly insecure people, and in their world, they see and blame you as the reason for their own insecurities, Personally I see this as a personality 'style', or more to the point, a personality disorder, in the same way as someone may have a 'friendly' style, or a 'happy' style, or a caring style; similarly to none of those styles being their 'choice', Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is not the Narcissist's choice, and that's not me making excuses for them at all. However, (NPD) is far more common than most may realise.
Is narcissism a psychological issue, or merely a character disorder?
Technically, I see it as both hereditary (pathological) and phsycological, however it is actually considered to be a personality disorder by those who are medically trained in psychiatry, which I'm not, so, again, make sure you understand that My writing's are based on My own experiences of having personally suffered from these "creatures".
From my own research, I have found that knowing how to count to 3 helps, Narcissists always portray themselves as having:
1. Grandiosity
2. A total demand for admiration
3. A total lack of empathy
These "people" are recognised by Phsychiatrists, as people with 'NPD' (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)
Narcissists are pathological liars, meaning a person who lies compulsively, and habitually. They are devoid of empathy and effectely live in their own, self created, fictional world (in phsycology, this is known as the persona) They are never happy, and never will be, furthermore they generally have poor levels of education because unlike most human beings who make mistakes and learn from those mistakes, Narcissists see themselves almost as a God, so, in their heads, they do not listen to 'low lifes' such as teachers, and of course Narcissists never make any mistakes, again in their heads, so there is no use to learning, again, in their world.
However, you wont see these traits instantly, as they always put on their best 'show' in order to suck you in.
Narcissists manipulate others, who they see as "their fuel" to gain the attention and control they want, or to protect their own self invented image, in other words you are there to be mentally & emotionally abused, and they cannot change, so don't even bother thinking you can change them, they have no morals, no empathy, and they thrive purely on their own self created grandios image. Furthermore, they don't work for a living, again because they don't see why they should, simply because in thier heads, they are here to be served!
They create, and believe in their own self created persona. In fact, their entire existence is a lie, they cannot be believed, nor trusted, otherwise you will become the next innocent victim of their negativity, which can sometimes lead to violent outbursts if you try to question them, or argue back. So overall, this is predominately a character 'style', or 'disorder', as I see it, and is sometimes inherited, sometimes caused by one, or both, parents. However it is not always easily seen by younger generations, so people thinking that homeschooling is easy, do need to be aware of this, and of course parents will always be bias towards their own child, which is natural, however unwhittingly causing Narcissism to "move in" is something to be aware of, and this is another very good reason to read and understand my page on THE 1ST 7 YEARS.
Definition and Characteristics
I find the easiest analogy of a Narcissist, is to imagine a dimmer switch that controls your electric lights at home. That switch is in control of your lights, which is where a Narcissist see's their place to be. However, the easiest way to override that switch is to cut the power supply. So, just to reiterate, again: walk away, and don't turn back, otherwise you will reconnect that controller whether you like it or not.
Simply put, a narcissistic person effectively believes that they own you, and your job is to polish their halo, they will think that inventing lies about you, to put you down is not only perfectly normal, it's one of their ways of controlling you, which in turn will make them appear to be the victim. So do not, ever, believe nor trust them. Today's world appears to be full of character attacks, by one person calling another a Narcissist, however this is generally carried out by people who, simply show their own low education level, by not understanding Narcissism, and therefore ridiculously display themselves as being narcissistic!
I believe everyone needs to learn the truth and stop assuming.
With this page I aim to challenge conventional "wisdom" and invite you to think critically about the nature of narcissism. It's far nore than just a name. You cannot simply walk away from these creatures because they will always promise you that they love you, they miss you, they will even switch on the tears to make it appear genuine, and you will just start all over again, back at the beginning, with them feeling more confident in their abuse to you, and again, them having no ability for empathy, you will be simply left to suffer.
To escape you must be very strong mentally, you may think that the good times will return, and hope they will return, however you need to understand that the 'good times' were simply created to hook you in, they were not YOUR good times, and you (their fuel supply, AKA their property) is not to be lost easily.
Learn to say things like: "that may be your opinion, but that doesn't make it fact" when they are telling you what to do, or not to do. You must understand that in their mind, you were put on earth to worship them, so another old saying, which is worth remembering, is a good saying: "fools rush in, where angels fear to tread".
So if you find you have suspicions about someone, then trust your suspicions; you will not, and cannot change them. Of course you will hear every word of 'sweet talk' from them, or every promise like 'I'll change', until they have hooked you back in again, with them feeling even more powerful over you.
Don't think you can easily walk away from them. In their mind they own you, they project their self invented shadow on you, and if their 'mirror' (you) shows any cracks to their projected image, they will do all they can to break that mirror (you), because in their "world" you are no good to them anymore, because you are not showing them in the way they expect to be seen. In their mentality that will often lead to them stating all their own faults to others close to you by stating that's how you are (of course they will never admit to the truth). Instead they will make you out to be the most awful person, just to protect themselves. This can lead to you becoming the "attacked" person, with family members & loved ones turning their backs on you, having given all you can to try and help them! In my experience, low levels of intelligence are certainly a factor, which is one thing they try to hide.
If they buy an old car for £100, they will tell everyone that their car is the best car on the planet, and they bought it for an incredibly low price, after they had miraculously told the vendor why it's not worth the asking price of course.
Their rented flat, often paid for by the state, or the empathetic partner/ husband/wife is the best home on the planet. They live in a completely delusional world, and will do & say anything to maintain that delusional world!
To make this very clear, I'll give one personal example: My only child passed away when she was a baby, I had the very difficult task of arranging my baby's funeral, and I personally carried my child to the service, before Her burial, but then I just couldn't manage the final part which was the lowering her into the ground. Instead, that was, thankfully, carried out by an undertaker who I grew up with.
As I stood over her grave afterwards, completely bewildered with 'why', one of my narcissistic siblings, who attended the funeral, approached me, with tears running down his face, and I immediately (stupidly) thought that he was actually showing some compassion towards me, until he said 'I can't stay here anymore, that bloke I killed is buried in this graveyard', and with that he turned and walked but of course he waited outside because he needed a lift back. He had indeed killed a man years before, in a head on car collision which was proven beyond doubt, by police forensics, to have been caused by his (the narcissist's) appalling and wreckless driving. That collision left two young men without their father, and their mother without her husband, so my only child's death was just an "inconvenience", but obviously my mind was otherwise engaged, I stupidly, wishfully, mistook his actions as caring. Believe me, these 'things' are not human beings! So be very careful, and do not fall for their lies and complete lack of empathy, they will hurt you mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically while you are expected to carry on polishing their self invented halo. So anyone thinking these creatures can be helped, is in need of help themselves.
The only safe way out is for you to walk, no arguments, don't even talk, no anger, no drama, just walk. Change your phone number, befriend them completely from all and any social media, and basically ghost them permanently. They will try to find 'their fuel' so be on your guard at all times, and be strong.
The negative impact on your brain, from all their abuse, will be very real to you!
5 common traits I noticed:
1. Leaves the toilet absolutely disgusting; obviously expects someone else to clean up after them.
2. Hides in the bathroom for long periods, texting, flirting, or communicating with other partners while pretending they just need “privacy.”
3. Hides the moment accountability shows up, then reappears like nothing happened.
4. Often uses their car like a second bathroom; sitting out, in it for long stretches. Making private calls, or private texts, or also because they 'need space.'
5. Spends a long time in the bathroom, long enough to make you wonder what they're really doing in there, and when you ask what took so long? Your question becomes the problem!
MY "spectrum" thoughts
Whilst NPD is recognised as a personality disorder. Although I have never seen this done before, through my own traumas I found that Narcissists need to be viewed on a 'reverse spectrum', like the pic I've posted above, because there are 'levels' to look for with these creatures, and obviously the effects of daily life, partnership stresses, plus a miriad of other 'possibilities" will affect the likelihood, and the severity of any potential outbursts. Plus of course biological and hormonal effects must also be considered. And this is why I found a scale that starts with the colour blue, denoting the more bearable 'cooler' episodes, rising to red, denoting the rage and ferrocity I witnessed. Regardless of this, in my mindset, I found it a way of providing a quick, visual aid, which I hope will also help other people see just how unpredictable, unbelievable, and unreliable a Narssisstic Person is. And no! They do not 'mellow' with age, in fact, from My own experiences, I will say they get even worse!
A recap on raw truths
With all of the above in mind, anyone with normal sense will realise that Narcissists are in a state of constant misery. Every attack on you, is actually them attacking their own failings, don't forget: in their world, you are their mirror. They are in a perpetual state of misery, incompetence, and insecurity. They constantly live in their own anxiety. They constantly believe they are useless, ugly, and incompetent, meaning Their attitude is as a result of their own failings, but again, do you need any of that nonsense in your life? Life's difficult enough, so walk away, you don't need to make it worse, and you will never change them!
Walk away and enjoy your life, safe in the knowledge that the universe will win that game for you in the end!
However! You must learn to realise the difference between a Narcissist, and a Phsycopath.
The Narcissist is generally a weak individual, who has little to no self confidence, so they create their image to hide behind, whereas the phsycopath is a very different animal, they are completely devoid of other people's feelings, and will conciously do whatever they want. The easy name to remember here is Fred West, he was a confirmed phsycopath, and many were killed by him, before he laid his patio. Narcissists basically need constant attention, hence their 'me, me, me' performances. The two are different, but it does appear to me that too many like "throwing" the term 'Narcissist' around, based on assumption, not inquisition, and obviously that's really not clever.
Unpacking the definition
The term 'narcissism' appears to be freely used these days, almost in a 'name calling' way, which is very wrong.
In fact, Narcissism is very misunderstood, and under estimated. It actually creates a more intruiging question in my mind: Is it a character trait? A clinical diagnosis. A spectrum disorder? or simply a descriptor for self-centred
Another one is Narcissistic phsycopathy which is also very
real.
By exploring phsycology deeper, and asking thoughtful questions, you can learn a true, much better understanding, instead of assuming that it's just a current trend.
Dive into the origins and modern interpretations of these complex human characteristics, before thinking you're being cool.
DO NARCISSISTS MAKE GOOD PARENTS?
In a ŵord: No.
Think of what I've already written about their Grandiosity, and contolling behavior etc, even their own child/children can become the next target/targets, which I do feel can easily create the next generation of Narcissists. However a Narcissistic parent will revell in the attention gained from what THEY created. Furthermore, I found that Narcissistic Mothers can be quite harsh/detrimental to a daughter who is seen, initially as 'an inconvenience on Mother's time', as obviously a Narssisstic Mother is not here to serve! And as the daughter grows, She can sometimes become seen as a "threat" to the Mother's own 'grandiosity!
This also counts for Fathers, so please do forget any 'patriarchal, sexist, or mysoginistic' nonsensical assumptions you may have dreamt up about me 👍
By thinking that homeschooling is easy, without knowing what a real teacher knows, you can, quite easily, yet unwhittigly create a Narcissist (M or F), as the parent/child dynamic must never be overlooked, and as a parent "correcting" your own child, you may unwhittingly be building a route for your child to set them on the road to becoming a Narcissist, or worse.
So stop with any assmptions!
Nature versus nurture: the inheritance question
A fundamental question in understanding narcissism is whether it is hereditary.
Do narcissits inherit narcissistic tendencies? or are those tendencies developed through upbringing and environment?
Personally I believe both are instrumental, and this is why I believe parents do need to stop automatically thinking that being parents makes them successful teachers. So take care with homeschooling
However, personally having a paternal line of Narcissism in my family, which I know for certain, was passed from my grandfather to my father, and My two eldest siblings, but thankfully I follow my maternal line, which is unquestionably true, which does therefore lead me to the biological 'pecking order'
But of course, that's for you to research deeper.
Examining both genetic predispositions and learned behaviours, should lead you to a greater understanding of the multifaceted influences at play with these conditions. Thankfully, there is no App!
Beware of "the flying monkeys'
Once you finally feel strong enough to walk away, don't think that's the end of it.
According to Phsycology, a narcissist will turn their charm on your friends and/family and try to convince them that you were the problem. This is what's known as 'proxy abuse'.
Effectively the Narcissist becomes the 'puppet master' who will invent numerous false allegations about you, to make them appear to be the innocent loser.
But of course this is where those who really know you well, may side with you, however, you cannot talk sense to a Flying Monkey, so be warned.
The Narcissist will then just sit back while their new found 'puppets' carry on with their own work, and of course this can make a once 'romantic' connection with a Narcissist just create more hurt to you. The only way to win this game, is to be very strong emotionally, and walk away, yes you will recover in time, but you won't until you get away from these creatures.
I am aware of a case of 'stalking' after a relationship breakup, as I was asked to assist. In this case the Empath had left the Narcissist, until the Narcissist decided to turn up, every night, in the Empath's Garden and "keep eyes" on the Empath, through the windows! Fortunately it was stopped, so don't think a Narcissist will easily just give up on "their belongings!"
This was not a simple case to correct, and it wasn't done "overnight!"
